THE LEDGEND OF JIMNIS WALDMAENUS

June 2009

This past month, while I was attending a local city commission meeting in

District 95, I overheard a rumor that caused me great concern. In the faintest

of whispers and with the utmost of confidences, I was told of a creature,

called the Waldman, that supposedly existed somewhere in Broward

County.

Having my interest stirred, I inquired about the characteristics of the

creature. Here's what I found. The Waldman (Jimnis waldmaenus) is in fact

very hard to spot. Actually, there has been more sightings of Big Foot.

Because of this, some think the Waldman is only a bit of folklore. But the

Waldman is in fact a real creature that is just very hard to find. In order to

protect the whereabouts of it's den, a Waldman tries hard to appear to live in

a region quite a distance from its true domicile. This has often thrown off

the novice Waldman watcher from ever spotting one. How the Waldman

accomplishes this deception of hiding its residence is an interesting subject

of it's own. Every two years the Waldman will mark its territory with signs,

junk-mail and TV clips bearing it's name and image. As a result, it's name

and image become so commonplace that locals get the feeling they've seen

him around and start supposing him native.

With this trust accomplished the Waldman can begin it's gathering. Which leads to another interesting bit about

the Waldman, that is, it's a gatherer. It will hoard up possessions from it's non-residential territory (also know as

the gathering grounds) and stock pile them in it's den. If rumors are to be listened to, the Waldman lives in an

$800,000 mansion on four acres of land while driving three BMWs, an Infiniti AND a Cadillac. With all these

possessions piling up, there's a good reason why a Waldman's den is far from it's gathering grounds. If the natives

knew what large quantity of monies the Waldman was collecting, they would guard their resources. To dissuade

any suspicions, the Waldman has been known to sublet a modest bedroom with in its gathering grounds. This

meager, local domicile does the trick convincing natives they are helping one of their own when sharing their

goods.

The Waldman is also a migratory creature. Every spring it flies north to Tallahassee. Here, too, the Waldman is

hard to spot. The migratory pattern of the Waldman has been known for years. Yet, the few frustrated ethologists

that still specialize on studying the Waldman in his natural habitats have yet to find any proof that the Waldman

has ever been to Tallahassee. They know he's there but apparently the Waldman is careful not to leave any clue

that he's been there. Because of this the number of Waldman ethologists is rapidly dwindling and the few

scientists that still study this creature are anxious to receive whatever information anyone may know about it. If

you spot a Waldman, please call your local game and wildlife commission. They have been trying for years to tag

it with a GPS beacon. Or you can click here to report a sighting.

You can read more about the rather bizarre animal known as the Waldman by clicking here. Be sure to select the

"Waldman" tab.

Pd. pol. adv. paid for and approved by Scott Yardley, Republican for State Representative District 95.

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